Please don't invite me over to dinner: The case against home-cooked meals - what do restaurants use to wash dishes

All the appetizing scents in the Big Mom's Kitchen greet you at the front door: the plump chicken breast hisses in her special batter, the fresh feather vegetables she grows, before stewing with the feet of a whole pig, pull it out of the Earth for seasoning, macaroni and cheese which should be called cheeseand-
Because noodles are drowning in six dairy products.
You 'd better not forget the candy.
Spin in the King syrup with marshmallow drops of yam.
All of this is supplemented by a big fucking sweet butter cookie-
You know, the golden, crunchy top that only she can flush out with ice-cold Pepsi sounds great, not for me.
I hate home cooking.
When I told them this, people twisted their faces and looked at me like I was crazy and wanted to know how a black man in Baltimore-
A city dominated by black people.
I am not willing to cancel his schedule or exchange it for a hot plate for the big mom.
I understand where the confusion came from.
The food is unique.
If not the top-
Our response to the survival of African-Americans.
In many urban areas, when we live in food deserts, we are forced to deal with poor housing, underfunded schools, police shootings.
My people can still do magic.
45 different entrees from a pig turn part of the animal into delicious food that many people don't even know can eat.
This is the game that black people have to play since slavery.
I remember one of my undergraduate history professors telling us a story where a slave hit a very healthy pig on his head with a stone until it looked defective, so that his master will allow the slaves to keep it for the Feast of the individual family.
I also understand the role soul food dinner plays in black families.
They are all very competitive.
Who makes the best potato salad?
And public, let's have time to share the victories and hardships of the dishes we cooked in the arms of our big mom.
Black people love soul food so much that they made a movie called soul food, and the family ate so much soul food that grandma had diabetes and had to cut off her feet, and die in the next scene.
After her death, the family had no change in their diet;
They buried her and ate more soul food.
Despite the nostalgia of these moments, even though I love my family, I still don't care about home --cooked meals.
I started when I was young.
My mom won't cook to save her life.
Or ours.
She is a young mother. we grew up together and learned about the world at the same time.
I am going to give her this. she taught me;
My mom might win a trophy for her omelette.
Her fight is in place: always fluffy, bright yellow, not too buttery, perfect.
But her chicken was dry, and the boxed rice she made that kept sticking to the pan was dry, and all the canned vegetables she pushed to us were dry.
She even came up with a way to make the backbone soup.
Her mother, Fama.
My own Big Mom.
Can Cook but have 40 kids, grandchildren and great
The grandchildren came in and out of her house, and I and the rest of the group had to fight like a gladiator for sweet potato residue and sticky carving at the bottom of Turkey.
Many of our big family dinners end with a McDonald's or 60 for me
The penny Rice and gravy in the corner shop in South Korea, the windows are cloudy, and my fat old cous's belly will fall off their waistcoats, they brag about the big fucking stuff that I wish I had more pound cakes.
When I grew up, I decided to feed my nephew and Cousins first.
"D, my girlfriend made the best chicken in the world," a good friend said to me in my car passenger seat.
"You must have it, and I will not accept the answer to the negative.
"He's been out of prison for a month. I'm going to end the book tour.
"With all due respect, I don't need to verify your girl's chicken," I said, "That's enough if you like it.
"A long time ago, I fought for leftovers at aunt's, scraped rice from the bottom of my mother's pot, and avoided Mayo --
Salad I never liked.
Since then, I travel around the world and eat at five.
Star restaurant.
Accidentally along the way, I became a snobbish foodie.
I never thought about being a foodie but as an artist I got a little recognition and got a bunch of free dinners in the form of fake meetings and inviting me to restaurants I could never afford, then they learned to afford it because they put too much effort into food: service, craft drinks, small desserts I don't think I liked, but ended up enjoying it.
I learned to worship my palate and formed a concern about the culinary aesthetics, the taste of exotic spices and the intentional preparation.
It doesn't mean my friend's girlfriend can't be a good chicken.
I don't have sex either-
I was worried that the man was in the kitchen;
I would also be proud to refuse their food.
But don't insult me for throwing the word "best chicken.
"I value chicken very much.
My family and his girlfriend are still living in a world where knowing how to cook will make you a woman, just like building cabinets and watching games with cold beer will make you a man.
It implements how from the old
I am a school culture.
My fiancee can cook well enough to open her own restaurant, but the food is never the dish in my heart, just like watching the game doesn't matter to me.
(I don't even drink beer, building cabinets sound like a terrible way to spend a Saturday, especially since you can pay someone else.
"For me, brother," he pleaded . "
"Try it for me.
You look at me when I'm locked, and now we bless you with this chicken.
You will like it!
"Even though I got crazy because of the deadline for the second book, I agreed to have a celebratory dinner at my home.
I stopped early and thought it was cool for him to wear the chef's hat, but it was also strange because he didn't do anything.
Their house is good, their colorful portraits are arranged on the walls, and the positive ones are sure to be like "Love always wins ".
"My brother served me Hennessy with a champagne flute because we were on the street and very elegant. "You ready!
"My family yelled and took our food out on a foam plastic plate.
I honestly don't think they're selling foam anymore.
Hot chicken oil melted the center of my plate. “Yo, double-plate me!
"I don't want to grease on their table.
The beans are made into a potato salad with enough mayonnaise to fill a jar.
But I was a sports fan, so I closed my eyes and took a bite.
"This is the bomb, brother, tell me how much it is?
My family said his wife was by his side.
They are all matched with aprons, and they are beaming.
"It's cool," I said . "
"But I'm really not that hungry.
I drank too much. ""Be for real! " she said.
"I can accept it. do you like it?
I really want to know.
"Most people ask for the truth about their art, food, clothing or anything they don't want to know.
But I ate some Hennessy.
I don't drink Hennessy either.
I'm with my friends.
"I love you, but there are at least ten different restaurants in one restaurant --
"A mile radius, the chicken is better," I said . ".
"The demo was terrible --
Where did you find the foam plastic, I really don't eat mayonnaise.
From 1 to 10, I will probably give this meal 2. ”They laughed —
Apparently, they thought I was joking.
Until I pushed the plate in the middle of the table and hit back to my Hennes and started preparing my exit.
"Oh, you're serious, D.
You really have a problem!
His girlfriend rushed out and shouted.
"I think I should have left," I joked . "
"I'm a little hungry.
"Don't be a jerk," My family said . ".
"You can't just go.
This etiquette is terrible, fool! Sit down. ”He was right;
You can't just eat. or not eat —
And leave in one's house.
Even if you have to work or on the deadline, you have to stay to joke and tell stories because it's all part of the process.
That's what I did.
We were joking and tried to fix the chicken.
I added a lot of pepper and chili sauce.
Mix it with more yaks and I won't taste anything for a few days anyway.
His girlfriend went back to the room and laughed at us because we were drunk fools.
"Never thought that some people like the slums would behave so neatly," she said . ".
"See you all drink cognac in a champagne glass like two fools!
My chicken is not very good, please.
Look, you all ate!
"I told her with a smile that I wouldn't cook, so I shouldn't judge.
"I pay for food because others care more about preparing food than I do," I said . ".
"People pay me to write like I pay a man to change my oil.
The oil change guy knows all the new oil and is an expert.
We're not food experts, so it's cool if we pay.
They all said I was stupid. we laughed all night.
I like to chop it up with my friends, but in general I work too hard to eat food I don't like and I need to pay attention to my health.
I 've been in a situation where a hot plate made me have to stay longer in one person's house because you can't just eat and leave --
As my family said, it's bad manners, fool.
Then you have to act like you want to help clean up after dinner.
Does anyone really want to wash dishes at someone else's house? I don't want to wash it myself.
At the restaurant, I can put the plates on the table when I finish eating.
I can send it back ten times if the food is bad, because my companions don't cook, so I don't have to worry about offending them.
I can also leave once the bill is paid --
There is no rule to say sit back and relax unless I want. A home-
Cooked food dinner asked me to provide everything I didn't want to give.
But I might come if you want to invite me over, just for dinner.
I'm always hungry.